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THE CHIEF STOKER'S LOG - FEBRUARY 2008

SAA New Members  - Welcome Aboard

Neil Ian (Chappy) Chaplin, partner Patrisha,  Port Kennedy WA 6172
Former CPOMTSM served in HMAS Ovens, NUSHIP Farncomb and HMAS Collins 1991 - 2000

Paul (Rick) Wakeman, partner Melinda, Cooloongup WA 6168
Former LSMPT2SM served in HMAS Ovens, Oxley (twice) and Otama 1983 - 1991

Geordie (Rocka) Robert Bunting (partner Arna), Taree NSW 2430
Former CPOMTSM served in HMAS Otway, Orion, Ovens, Onslow, Otama, Dechaineux and Sheean 1989 -2006

Stephen (Steve) Hibbert (partner Jill), South Lake 6164 WA
Former CPONPCSM served in HMS/ms Andrew, Finwhale, Walrus, HMAS Oxley, Ovens twice, Collins and Onslow 1973 -1999 

Donald (Don) John Fleet, (partner Fran), Pialba QLD 4655
Former AB /SGT MTPSM served HMS/m Olympus, HMAS Otway and Ovens 1968 -1972. After RAN served 25 years RAAF and retired in 2003 

WELCOME NEW SAA MEMBERS - HAVE YOU SIGNED ON????   IF NOT, WHY NOT.  BEING A FRIEND OF THE ASSOCIATION IS GREAT, BUT BEING A MEMBER COUNTS!!!!  2008 SUBSCRIPTIONS NOW DUE

Up Periscope supports the aims of the Submarines Association Australia.

Join the SAA. Remember, the more Members the more the policy makers in Canberra listen, there is strength in numbers. Details on SAA Membership are provided on the Application Form. 

 

The following old tarts survived another year and have had, or are having, a Birthday. 
 
 
AQUARIUS
Jan 21st - Feb 19th
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to progressive.  Unlike all the other losers out there, you are without fault.  You are the closest that our Creator ever got to perfection. All Aquarians are capable of walking on water! You should feel honoured if considered a friend of an Aquarian.

PISCES
Feb 20th -Mar 19th
You have a weird sense of imagination and often think you are being followed by aliens.  You have a minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting this imaginary power.  You lack confidence and smell funny.

Why isn't my Birthday here? I hear this often, the answer is simple, I rely on Plaxo to help me manage the 1200 people in Up Periscope's mailing list.  So if you want to be listed, fill in your details on Plaxo next time I send an update request.

February
1st: Paul Woodhams, Carl Smith
2nd: Sean Kenney, Tony Noakes, Michael Stanley & Brett Hughes
4th: Ken Horn, John McCormack & Gordon Smith
6th: Allen Francis, Tony Hollis & Lindsay Frost
7th: Tony Bernhagen & Mark Oliver
8th: Jim Mullins, Richard Coathup & Keith Broomfield
9th: Daryl Walsh
10th: Terry Gowling & Garry Hollas
11th: Pat Heffernan & Jamie Arnold
12th: Ross Mackinnon, Robert Brownlie, Cheryl Seib & Bob James
13th: Tony Phelan & Chris Rubly
14th: Michael Kelly & Glenn Feige
15th: Greg Wyatt, Rod Charles, Les Rawson, Bill Whelan & Bob Ashmore
16th: Matt Young & Greg Wyatt
17th: Paul Summers
18th: Terry Rowell
19th: David Stanton, Gary McGinn, Jim Blunt, Pat Hawkins, Gary Davis & Michael Holt
20th: Phil Watts & William Lawton
21st: Keith Bromfield, Ken Morton, Richard Lewin & Ray Gissing
22nd: Paul Newman, Reg Livermore, Tony Critchley, Sandy Freeleagus & Joseph Knowles
23rd: Robert Madden
24th: Ross Walters, Christopher Donald & Bill Clayton
26th: Gregory Pennicuik,
27th: Bob Mellowship, Tim Bowra & Neil Forbes
28th: Peter Chegwidden
March
1st: Royal Australian Navy & Eric Fleming

Birthday Calculator.   After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the night you were born.

Sick Parade

Shipmates on health watch include:

Geoff White - Lymphoma
Colin Ware - Heart problems under investigation
Bob Ross - cancer in the pancreas and kidneys.
Don Delosa - prostate cancer.
Bob Wilson - Oesophageal, stomach and liver cancer.
Peter Vidler - Prostate and bone cancer.
Greg (Penni) Pennicuik - prostate cancer

If you want contact details for any of the above send me an email.

Sunday, 24th FEBRUARY 2008

Finally, summer has arrived in Bauple, temperatures over 30o for the last few days, plenty of incentive to sink a beer or two by the pool.

Not much to write about this week, things have been quiet on the email front, so have had to fill the page with crap, how about a few email with all the buzzes. State Secretaries are also requested to provide the occasional update on Branch issues.

I see that it is time again to pay your SAA subscription, still a bargain at $10 a year, so please pay early, it helps our Treasurer get his books in order before the AGM.  You will also note that there are quite a few out of date Members, the ill health of our last Treasurer resulted in a bit of chaos and those listed are encouraged to contact John Rana for details.

Bauple is such a quiet place and you could not be blamed for thinking that a bit of inbreeding may have taken place over the years, they are not the sharpest knife in the drawer. My neighbour's wife came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.  Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to the Ipod that I had lent him.

Their daughter Jean is a blonde that missed out the day they were passing out good looks, she has a face like a warthog's knackerbag and there is something strange about her, but I have not figured out what exactly.  She visited us one day this week and was reading one of Sharron's magazines. She came across an article that said milk baths would make her beautiful. She rang her brother who runs the cows in the paddock opposite my place and left a message on his answering machine to bring home 25 gallons of milk .

When her brother got the message, he felt there must be a mistake and thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he rang back to clarify the point. Jean answered and her brother said, "I got your message asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"  Jean replied, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful."

Her brother asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" to which Jean replied, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my face".  Sharron and I were lost for words.

If ever any of my neighbours discover this site I am toast........

 

I checked out Tug's Walk website today and I am still a little disappointed in the small number that have pledged a donation online, but the amount donated has gone up $5,100 this week (boosted substantially by the WA Branch donation of $2,000).  If for some reason you cannot walk, surely $10 wouldn't hurt for the kids. Please go to www.walkforkidswithcancer.com to register to walk and/or register your donation. Bank details on website. 

Around the Traps

North Queensland Branch News
The Secretary, Garth Schmidt reminds Members that their next meeting has had to be altered and will now be held over the weekend 15th & 16th March (weather permitting). There will be a Meet & Greet at the Reef Gateway Hotel/Motel on the Friday night and a bussed picnic lunch on the Saturday at one of the picturesque parks overlooking the Airlie seascape and a BBQ diner Saturday night at the Reef Gateway. The meeting will be held after dinner and conclude with some social time following the meeting.  If anyone wants accommodation booked at the Reef Gateway, let Garth know as he believes they are letting Members have rooms at around the $50 per head.

NSW Branch News
Secretary Ken Williams asks that you all pass the word that the Spectacle Island BBQ has moved to Sunday 30 March 2008 due to the boat driver availability. For all those who want to see the collection. Numbers to Ken ASAP.  If you have not attended a Branch function for a while why not make an effort to take the family for a day on the Island, the collection is worth the trip. 

CMDR John Wilkins RFD* RANR Ret’, the President of the Victoria Division Navy League of Australia and a member of the Australian Navy Foundation Day Organising Committee, reminds us that the Navy celebrates the navy’s birthday each year on 1st. March. The 1st. March (1901) anniversary recognises the act of the first Governor General of the Commonwealth, under the Constitution, who transferred all Naval and Military personnel and materiel to the new Commonwealth’s Department of Defence to form the Australian Navy’s foundation fleet and the Commonwealth Naval Force (CNF). This new Department of Defence came under its first Permanent Secretary a Naval Officer Captain Robert Muirhead Collins CMG CNF.  An annual Creswell Oration luncheon is held on this day and a Thanksgiving Service in the morning. Vice Admiral Matt Tripovich AM CSC is this year’s guest speaker.

Defence Force Welfare Association (DFWA) Update
Web page:
The Update is a monthly E-Letter produced by the Defence Force Welfare Association (DFWA) containing items which are of interest to the Service and ex-Service community. It is distributed to politicians, media outlets, senior Service officers and DFWA branches. Branches are encouraged to distribute Update further to Association members and other
interested people or organisations. Update is also posted on the DFWA website and it is worth paying a visit to read this month's articles which are:

  • DFWA RESPONSE TO THE REPORT OF THE REVIEW INTO MILITARY SUPERANNUATION.
    A full response to Government will be provided by the closing date 31 March 2008.

  • THE INDEXATION CAMPAIGN
    The recent indexation campaign, carried out in conjunction with the Superannuated Commonwealth Officers Association (SCOA) and the Australian Council of Public Sector Retiree Organisations - for increased military and public service pension indexation.

  • PARLIAMENTARY LIBRARY PAPER – MILITARY SUPERANNUATION – MYTHS AND REALITY
    The Parliamentary Library has produced a research paper on the above subject.

  • ASSESSMENT OF THE DEGREE OF PERMANENT IMPAIRMENT
    The Guide to the Assessment of the Degree of Permanent Impairment is a document that Comcare may vary or revoke under section 28 of the Safety, Rehabilitation and Compensation Act 1988 (SRC Act).

  • INCOME SUPPORT INCREASED
    The Government has introduced legislation to boost allowances paid to veterans on low incomes. The legislation increases the utilities allowance and the senior’s concession allowance to $500 a year and the telephone allowance from $88 to $132 a year for those with a home internet connection.

Bob Emery (for SAOC West)Ahoy All, the Submariners Association of Canada West current Newsletter is available for your on-line perusal ...thanks to Bob Emery (for SAOC West).

A Muslim was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London . After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Muslim if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

Peter Smith reports "I note that you mentioned that HMAS Collins was in Hobart for Navy Week in Tasmania. For the first time, I believe, in RAN submarine history a group of Tasmanian recruits were inducted into the navy aboard Collins. My niece was in that group, she aspires to be a Dental Assistant, although I believe Darren Thompson and Tony Vine may have tried to change her mind and look at submarines as a career choice. Thanks Darren and Tony, my brother Vivian was very impressed and appreciated the tour of the boat and your assurance that my niece, his daughter, will be well looked after in the Navy."

A North Queensland Member was shocked to see this guy last week and asked "Is this Phil Solomon?"   I had to remind him that Phil's gut hung overr the handle bars of his Vespa so it obviously wasn't him.

Barry Atkinson's wife Vicki is shaving her head for the Leukemia Foundation fundraiser and says "Here I go again!! Please help me raise funds for this very worthy cause. Go to my Profile Page & you can sponsor me on line. Thank you for your support."

Tim Smith, Senior Heritage Officer on the Listings Team at the Heritage Office, NSW Department of Planning thought we might be interested in his latest report on the Japanese midget sub M24, and work in Turkey on Australian AE2 submarine sunk near Gallipoli in 1915 featured on the Submarine Institute of Australia's website.

There are seven types of sex
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex - This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex  has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex - This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway, you both say 'screw you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex - Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular!)
The 6th kind is called: Courtroom Sex - This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And, last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex - You get a little each month - but not enough to enjoy yourself.

Please do not reply to tell me what stage you are in. I have enough problems of my own!

Terry Hall, Newsletter Editor of the Derbyshire Branch of the RN Submariners Association has just published the 100th issue of the Branch newsletter.  Congratulations mate, excellent work.

US Navy Operations Chief Visit To Electric Boat, Sub Base
The chief of naval operations toured the Electric Boat shipyard Thursday to check on the company's efforts to lower the cost of Virginia-class submarines. The third of the class, USS Hawaii (SSN 776), was commissioned in May. It was a $2.5 billion project, and the Navy has repeatedly said it wants the price for future submarines pared to $2 billion — in 2005 dollars

Roughead said he was impressed by the employees' passion, not only for the quality of their work but also for reducing costs. The shipyard has done so by building the submarines in fewer modules, in less time. Roughead visited Electric Boat, where he opened the valve to start water flowing into the graving dock, and put the New Hampshire, a Virginia-class submarine, into the water for the first time. U.S. Rep. Joe Courtney, D-2nd District, who was on the tour, said EB employees had a “fabulous story to tell” Roughead.  “At every step, the message was conveyed over and over again about how the New Hampshire is being built at a pace and a cost that is faster and cheaper than the preceding Virginia-class boat,” Courtney said. “At the end of the day, it's all about the people who work there and what a great job they do.”

Roughead then met with officers and sailors at the Naval Submarine Base and took a brief tour of the waterfront. He said the submariners “do great work not just here, in and around Groton, but also around the world.”

The Navy is currently investigating the discovery of faulty welds on Newport News ships, including Virginia-class submarines. Electric Boat in Groton and Newport News share the construction workload for these submarines under a teaming agreement.  “I am confident that we're on the right path,” Roughead said, referring to the steps the Navy has taken subsequent to the discovery, “and that the safety of our submarines and our sailors is not compromised.”

The proposed 2009 defense budget calls for an increase in Virginia-class submarine production from one to two per year in 2011, instead of in 2012 as the Navy had planned. Roughead said getting to two ships a year is important for the Navy, and the challenge is to develop the right shipbuilding program with limited resources.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

THE VUNG TAU FERRY (HMAS SYDNEY) AND ESCORT SHIPS (VIETNAM 1965-1972)
The purpose of this book is to recognize the major contribution of those many members of the Royal Australian Navy whose dedicated service in the Vietnam war was for so long ignored. These are the approximately 9,800 RAN personnel who, through dedication to the task over seven years transported safely and on time about 15,600 Army and RAAF personnel, along with many tons of weapons, stores and equipment during the 25 operational voyages HMAS Sydney and her escorting destroyers made to and from Vietnam.

The book includes: a nominal list of those who served, the dates and composition of the 25 Troop Transport Task Force groups that served in the operational area, and first hand accounts by sailors and soldiers who sailed in HMAS Sydney and the Escort Ships of the RAN, namely HMAS Melbourne, HMAS Anzac, HMAS Derwent, HMAS Duchess, HMAS Parramatta, HMAS Stuart, HMAS Swan, HMAS Torrens, HMAS Vampire, HMAS Vendetta and HMAS Yarra.

Authors Rodney Nott and Noel Payne are veterans of this major Vietnam logistic operation.

210 x 148 mm, 272 pages, 35 photographs, 4 maps. ISBN 9781877058721, $29.95 Available: March 2008

TIGER TERRITORY The Untold Story of The Royal Australian Navy in Southeast Asia 1948 to 1971
Between 1948, when Australia assumed strategic responsibility for British Commonwealth sea lines of communication to and from Southeast Asia and 1971, when the Five Power Defence Arrangements came into effect, ships and men of the Royal Australian Navy served with almost unnoticed distinction in defending the newly emerging nations of Malaya, Malaysia and Singapore. With British and New Zealand forces, they fought against insurrection and infiltration during the Malayan Emergency between 1955 and 1960 and countered Indonesian incursions and infiltrations into Malaysia and Singapore during Confrontation (1964-66). In the process, RAN personnel held key positions in the Royal Malaysian Navy during its most challenging period of development and growth.

In this period of intense diplomatic and military activity in a potentially volatile region, Australia developed its engagement with Southeast Asia and its concept of ‘forward defence’. While the Vietnam War loomed ever larger over the region, the RAN played its part in creating the conditions for the peace and prosperity Malaysia and Singapore now enjoy, by bombarding terrorist positions, engaging Indonesian infiltrators in vicious firefights, providing support to land forces, or patiently laying the foundations for the regional navies to build upon. Tiger Territory tells of the naval men who delivered this underappreciated achievement, and recounts their previously unpublished experiences.

Paperback by Ian Pfennigwerth. 225 x 150 mm, 344 pages, 53 b&w photos and 9 maps. ISBN 9781877058653, $29.95. Available: March 2008

Both books can be ordered now from the Slops Van for the RRP of $29.95 - postage included. I have only placed a small order, so book your copy now.

Boof is not coming out for a walk today, after seeing a photo sent to me of a carpet snake killing a poor little pussy cat he has armed himself and is going hunting....

Sunday, 17th FEBRUARY 2008

This week has been wet and horrible all over Queensland and my thoughts go out to our mates that may have been affected, especially those in Mackay, Emerald and the northern regions. If you have a mate in these areas, give them a call and see how they are getting on.

The problems that many are facing with the weather makes my complaint about the new topsoil and lawn seed that I put on my lawn which is now residing in my neighbours garden seem petty, but I was a chief PETTY Officer so I guess it is alright to grumble. Not only did I waste $250, but my back is still hurting from spreading and raking it It could have been worse I suppose.

Being wet, things have been pretty quiet, so I went to my local pub at Tiaro (15 kms from home) yesterday with a couple of neighbours for a quiet beer.  We were sitting in the beer garden when a woman suddenly began to cough.  After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, my neighbours, Bluey and Bazza turned to look at her. Ken ya swaller? asked Bluey. The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head. Kin ya breathe?" asked Bazza. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her butt.  This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Bluey swaggered back to our table and took a deep swig of his beer. Bazza said in admiration "Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody  Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen  somebody do it."

My neighbour is recovering from an accident in which his arm had been broken among other injuries while helping me chop down a few trees. He was left in charge of his 4 years old granddaughter while his wife and daughter-in-law went into Gympie. I called in to keep him company for a while and have a few tinnies.  The brat had a little 'tea set', one of her favorite toys and she us both a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, his wife came home. My neighbour made her wait in the living room to watch the brat bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' his wife waited, and sure enough, the brat came down the hall with a cup of tea for Pop and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that a four year can reach to get water is the toilet??'  It didn't bother me, my inground tank water tasted worse...........

Not much else to report, not much in the way of email to report, so a short entry this week.

Around the Traps

National President Update

The Centennial of RAN Submarine Service is not that far away, 2014,  and the Submarine Institute of Australia is already planning for this occasion.  The SAA will obviously have a major part to play and this is on my agenda for future discussion with State Presidents. A proposal by the WA Branch is being put together that may result in a change to the SUBCON/AGM host city schedule to coincide with the Centenary Celebrations of the Australian Submarine Service in 2014 and for the Centenary of Gallipoli in 2015. The concept of integrating such occasions is worthy of merit and further consideration.

Branches and Members are reminded that the positions of the National Executive will be declared vacant at the AGM in June and nominations for all positions shall be in the hands of the National Secretary no later than Friday, 28 March. Notices of Motion for inclusion in the Agenda of the National Committee Meeting and AGM shall be in the hands of the National Secretary no later than Friday, 4th April.  This is your chance to serve your Association, are you ready to volunteer?

Peter Smith, our Secretary, has been offline for the past two weeks, thanks to Telstra.  With luck he will be back online on Monday and will catch up with the backlog of email correspondence.

Remember, the National Executive are always available to listen to what you have to say, if you have a suggestion or want to air your concerns, contact us.

North Queensland Branch News
The Secretary, Garth Schmidt reports that the dates for their next meeting has had to be altered and the next meeting will now be held over the weekend 15th & 16th March (weather permitting). Garth said "For those interested, there will be a Meet & Greet at the Reef Gateway Hotel/Motel on the Friday night. Col Deller is organizing a bussed picnic lunch on the Saturday at one of the picturesque parks overlooking the Airlie seascape and a BBQ diner Saturday night at the Reef Gateway. We will hold the meeting after dinner and conclude with some social time following the meeting."  If anyone wants accommodation booked at the Reef Gateway, let Garth know as he believes they are letting Members have rooms at around the $50 per head.

Garth also reported that Mal & Kay bridge survived the floods in Mackay OK with only the loss of a couple of goldfish.

Another North Queensland member that has been a bit wetter than usual (and that's saying something) is Phil Solomon. He reports "G'Day All, sorry about the delay in being online after my house was flooded but the photos will show that I have a real good excuse!! Yep, life in the tropics is interesting. Just finished a long awaited refit on my little yacht, put her back in the water on the mooring and two days later all hell broke loose. All those boats along the marina rock wall and walkway are my neighbours and only my little Demi Sec and my friend Kate's boat survived in our mooring field. Lots of mates lost everything as they were liveaboards which is really sad. I am pretty happy as you can guess because losing the boat and the house in a few weeks would really start to test my sense of humour. As the old saying goes, "Attitude, the difference between an Ordeal and an Adventure". Still choosing Adventure but Ordeal is certainly putting up a good fight. Last count 52 boats sunk, aground, holed or just plain not accounted for. Anyway, must head down to the Sailing Club and buy my mooring contractor a few more beers and tell him how much I love him and I want to be the father of his children. My eldest son Ray was awarded his Wings this morning and is now fully qualified Aircrew. I was supposed to be there in Nowra, NSW for the presentation but all flights have been cancelled the last few days so I was stuck here. Not happy.  Now back to shifting mud from the not so cool inside to the much better outside. Phil Solomon - overcome, improvise, adapt."  Our thoughts are with all of those that are coping with the weird (beautiful one day, perfect the next) Queensland weather and the hardship that it has created for many. Maybe it is the snorkel God taking revenge on Phil for raising a skimmer (birdie) puke?

NSW Branch News
Secretary Ken Williams reminds members that the Branch annual BBQ is being held on Spectacle Island on Sunday 2nd March 2008 for all those who want to see the collection. Numbers to Ken asap.  If you have not attended a Branch function for a while why not make an effort to take the family for a day on the Island, the collection is worth the trip.

Helen Maslin, John 'Rod' Laver's daughter wrote "Sorry it has taken me so long but I want to say thank you. Thank you to you for passing on all the emails and for you thoughts and wishes. Also thank you to everyone that sent me messages and thoughts. Dad had a great turn out at the funeral and it was a tribute to him and a celebration of his life. I spoke to some of the submariners that came, but I would again like to say thanks to them. Thank you."

Rod and Pat Peters sent an email asking me to thank everyone for their thoughts and wishes after the recent death of their daughter and they have been advised by the coroner that she died from SADS Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Rod believes it was a painless death and added "Please hug your kids or parents when ever you can this can happen to anyone."

Can you help?

I have had a request from Rick Fishbourne who is looking for anybody who remembers the nighttime flood on diving in Otama during K3 back in October 79. His DVA advocate, wants him to find another member of Otama's control room staff, who may recall it. He wrote "The incident occurred just after sunset when Otama, having surfaced earlier that day R/V'd with HMAS Stalwart (exercise flagship) for a chinwag with the head sherang inside Flinders Reef...we slipped and proceeded just on dusk, and when in deep water...dived the boat. During diving, Otama experienced a "minor" flood of only 400 or 500 gallons but it came pretty quickly from aft and had some force with it as we had our  customary 10 degree bow down angle, and of course it was black-lighting.

I am trying to establish a medical history but neither of these events were ever recorded, (as far as I can tell) these two incidents have been the catalyst for a life time of illness, particularly the ENT and balance problems caused by ingesting too much 2-part epoxy when I fell down the tower (overcome by epoxy fumes whilst painting the tower)...after ending up with paint everywhere in the control room I went down the periscope well (as I had dropped the paint) and spent an hour down there mopping it up with chux by my toes....later that week at sea we spent most of the week, when snorting with the snort induction mast underwater (shitty weather) The baratrauma that snorting in bad weather produces, acted on the epoxy paint (and thinners) that I still had in my ears, down my throat, in my mouth, up my bum etc etc - stuffed up my ENT (ear Nose throat), from that day to this, and now it has made me TPI via CentreLink, but having been fighting DVA re these two matters since 1996....

I now have a good advocate (which is what you advocated last time we spoke about this)...also I have studied the Oberon Health Audit
and there are many elements in that report which relate to both these types of occurrences.....

Finally I have a broad spectrum claim with DVA which they have declined and this claim is now with VRB as I have requested a review of DVA's Feb 06 decision....as you can see, Feb 06 is a bit of awhile ago and all this time VRB have been patiently waiting for me, to get my poo in one sock..... I am pretty messed up generally and don't have much steam left to deal with all this crap.....Advocate states that such a broad spectrum of claims has I have before DVA, is bound to fail and wants to concentrate on just the Flood on Otama...hence the need to contact some other member of the Control Room or Panel Staff who may recall it."  It is hard for a man to expose his problems to the world, but Rick has been fighting this for years and like many other, seems to be hitting his head against a wall.  Can you help?

Rick went on to say "Sandy Frealeagus, Jock Copeland, Ben Stone and myself are starting to get some interest generated on Macleay Island re Tug's walk....we think we can raise a bit of money here so we'll be digging out.....Jock Copeland is going on the walk itself and Sandy is doing a cartoon for Tug to raffle."

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order." The woman was shocked but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter was waiting. "Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini." After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences. After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS." The woman said, "I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone." That's 'Putting Your Affairs In Order'.

Is bm_toon7@hotmail.com a hacker? There are warnings going around that if you receive an email from bm_toon7@hotmail.com. Do not open as it is a hacker. Not tue, it is a hoax? This warning is invalid and should not be taken seriously. The message is, in fact, a slightly different version of the long running MSN contact list virus hoax. In this case, the prankster has substituted "hacker" for "virus", but otherwise the message is very similar to a long list of other variants of the hoax that feature different email addresses. An example of one of the many virus related versions should illustrate this similarity.  Remember, BEFORE passing on these emails do a google on the subject, stops making you look gullible.

Nobby Hall, Hon. Secretary, Submariners Assn (Derbyshire) UK sent out a request for contact details for Bill Dalton (L/Sto.Mech) as he was on the original HMS/M Ambush and Derby City has won the affiliation to the new Ambush so his website site is of interest and I wish to seek permission to use some of his information in my branch newsletter which are primarily distributed to members but also three issues are on the (UK) National Association web page.  I managed to track Bill down, it turns out that he is a member of the Naval Association in Bargara, not all that far from here and I have requested that they ask him to contact Nobby. 

Nobby responded "Thank you to every one for the effort to help me on this query both this side in UK and in Aussie. The City of Derby Link with the only 'Freedom of the City' awarded by a UK City is a fact we as a branch are very proud of. Pusser suggested the Freedom to HMS Sovereign who I remember entering Plymouth as a shiny new boat in the early 70's and I already had two good conduct badges then so it shows how old she was in 2002. With the help of a cracking Mayor and support of the City Council we held out for the first award by a City of the Freedom to the Submarine Service instead. It is this fact I believe we got the affiliation on. Astute to Wirral (Home of Ian Fraser VC and many boat builds) and Derby got the Ambush because every power plant is built here and we give the lads one bloody good run (Sovereign WO&SR even held their final Mess Dinner in Derby which was a party which started Friday dinner and petered out Sunday/Monday just like a SOCA Reunion used to!) Anyway rambled enough, sincere thanks to all."

Buckwheat Harris
I received several email on the antics of Buckwheat this week, most I had heard while a Part three on Onyx.  He was a legend in his own time. David Nicholls wrote "I met Buckwheat when he was working as a waiter at the Weary Friar, Pillaton (South Devon) in the early '70s (after he had left the Service). He was wearing the scruffiest Tuxedo I have ever seen. When I told him I was a submariner I got the best service I could have wished for." David recalled 3 stories:

On being asked how he got a cup of coffee brimming full to the bridge he replied 'when I'm at the bottom of the ladder I suck half the cup into my mouth and just before I get to the top I blow it back in the cup!!

Standing rounds in the heads he smeared milk chocolate on the bulkhead: when the XO asked 'What's that ?!' Buckwheat looked at it - 'looks like sh....' , sniffed it - 'smells like sh....' and finally licked it - 'tastes like sh.....too !!'

Prior to proceeding on leave from looking after a WR he was not endeared to, he nailed a kipper under the WR table. The smell rapidly deteriorated to the point where the WR became virtually uninhabitable and the XO is reputed to have sent a message saying 'we're pretty sure we know what it is and we're pretty certain who did it - but for pity's sake tell us where it is !!'

Frank Owen wrote "To add to David's recollections. I was also told those dits by the person who claimed to have been his CO at the time, Geoff Tottenham, who was CO HMS Andrew as part of SM4 while his brother-in-law (none other than Bill Owen) was CO HMS Anchorite. Andrew's other claim to fame was that she was the 'SSN' in 'On The Beach' starring Gregory Peck and Ava Gardner (she of the quote "Well, they sure picked the right place to make a movie about the end of the world!). Coincidentally, Geoff's son, John, and I (first cousins) joined submarines at the same time for OTC266 at HMS DOLPHIN in May 1978 with an Aussie as our Course Officer, Mike Gee. John ended up commanding HMS Vengeance (I think)."

Peter Horobin added "I regret I never met Buckwheat, but I joined a boat a few weeks after he had posted out. The wardroom was recovering from his farewell gift. He had nailed a fish inside and hidden in the wardroom table (which was a complex relocatable (barely portable) arrangement) on the day he left. The location of the dead fish was impossible to find, but its odour was increasingly obvious. Eventually, after tearing the wardoom apart several times, the Jimmy sent a signal to Buckwheat’s new boat – “Personal for Steward Harris – We know what it is – can you tell us where it is?”

RIP Buckwheat

A tourist walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, an officer from the local RN base walked in and said to the shopkeeper "I'll take one of those monkeys, please." The shopkeeper nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the officer, saying, "That'll be £2,000, please." The officer paid and left with the monkey.

The surprised tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that one cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a special technician monkey, he can rig aircraft flight controls, pass the RN Fitness Test, set up a perimeter defence and perform the duties of any warrant officer with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money".

The tourist then spotted a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" he asked. "Oh, that one" replied the shopkeeper. "That's an "Engineering Officer" monkey. It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level, and even do all of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed".

The tourist looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in cage. The price tag was £50,000. The shocked tourist exclaimed, "This one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world can it do?" "Actually" said the shopkeeper "I've never really seen him do anything but drink beer, play with his dick and try to trap every female monkey, but his papers say he's a submarine Coxswain.”

U.SofA Residents - ANZAC Memorial Service
Les Figg, an ex-Pussers Greenie (LEMWR) living in Santa Clara, CA (served from July 1963 until November 1969, serving in HMAS Sydney, Hawk and Perth.) has, for the past 4 years, organised a Meet & Greet which has turned into an ANZAC Memorial in Cayucos, CA. Les has a core group of 12 regular participants, with 4 or 5 others who have been once or more and he welcomes any and all ex-Pussers to participate. Unfortunately the local hotel that is used is pretty full that weekend and can’t accommodate them on the 25th so Les has made a tentative reservation for the previous weekend – April 18/19.   If you know of any ex-Pussers living in the US, please pass on Les's contact details.

Submariners Association of Canada West - 2008 Gathering
I hear that arrangements are progressing nicely for the SAOC 2008 Submariners Gathering, May 2-3-4, in Victoria, BC. are progressing well and Ray Hunt, Commanding Officer of both Rainbow and  Okanagan, has confirmed as Guest of Honour. A reminder that registrations received prior to February 29th are eligible for our Early Bird Draw for refund of one person's registration fee ... on-line details and a downloadable Registration Form are available on the SAOC West website.

Keeping our heads below water
By 2025, Australia's six Collins class submarines will be thoroughly outnumbered and far short of 'state of the art'. (File photo) (ADF)
About 15 years from now, the next submarine for the Royal Australian Navy will be well down the path to completion. Designed to replace the Collins class now in service, the new subs will cost billions of dollars and will take over a decade to design and build.

Subs remain flexible and powerful warships. Because of their ability to operate covertly, even the suspected presence of a submarine in an area of operations causes an adversary to use up vital resources. The same characteristic makes them ideal platforms for covert intelligence collection or for special forces operations. They can strike targets on land with cruise missiles or at sea with torpedos, mines and missiles.

Australia is far from being the only Asia-Pacific nation contemplating new submarines. Over the next two decades, scores of new submarines will be launched by countries in an arc from Pakistan to Japan. Some will be 'off the shelf' European submarines with limited range and endurance but potent capability in their areas of operation. And there will be nuclear submarines operated by China, India, Russia and the US.

By 2025, Australia's six Collins class submarines will be thoroughly outnumbered and, despite a series of progressive upgrades already underway, will also be far short of 'state of the art'. To maintain its operational effectiveness, the RAN's submarine fleet will need to be replaced and, preferably, expanded.

The biggest shortfall of the Collins fleet is that we only have six. Because some are always in maintenance or undergoing modification, on a good day we could put four to sea, and we really can't count on more than three. Geography dictates that Australian submarines can be expected to operate in waters ranging from the Indian Ocean right around to the North Pacific. Given that it takes time for a submarine to reach a distant patrol area, we don't have enough to conduct a sustained campaign in more than one or two places. For planning extended submarine operations, more is better.

On the other hand, submariners naturally want to have the best possible technology. Future submarines will have advanced systems that allow them to run submerged for longer and they may also have remotely piloted 'mini-subs' that can range away from the parent boat for days at a time, collecting information or providing targeting information.

No one wants to be in a fair fight - much better if our subs are quieter and harder to find than anyone else's. If they can extend their reach by having weapons and sensors that are effective at longer range, the more likely it is that they will succeed in their missions and return safely. For individual mission effectiveness, better is better.

The trouble is that history shows that incorporating state of the art technology into a new submarine (or any defence project) increases the risk of cost or schedule overruns. When that happens, it is hard to convince those in control of the purse strings that they should support the purchase of more submarines.

That's why we have only six Collins submarines. Originally plans were for a minimum build of six, with options for another two. But the well-publicised development problems of the class and cost and schedule overruns of around twenty percent resulted in the government declining to take up the option. That is an important (if obvious) lesson - it is easier to buy more submarines if each one is cheaper and the government can be confident of delivery.

Like all other military equipment, the cost of each successive generation of submarines has increased steadily. If, as is likely, we again go down the road of building an indigenously-designed large submarine, we can confidently expect each replacement sub to cost more than the $1 billion of each Collins. If we decide on a fleet of 10, the project is going to be one of the two biggest defence buys ever (the other is the Joint Strike Fighter) and is likely to cost upwards of $15 billion.

One way we could cut costs and increase confidence in delivery schedules is by buying established submarine designs from elsewhere.

One option that meets our operational needs is a nuclear submarine. But, apart from political and environmental sensitivities that would come into play, Australia lacks the infrastructure to support a nuclear submarine. So we will be in the market for a conventional sub. The trouble is that no-one else builds submarines that do what we want our subs to be able to do. European designs lack the range and payload for operations at large distances and the US hasn't built conventional submarines for decades.

So we will almost certainly build our own submarines again but at least our industrial base will be older and wiser than it was when we set out to build Collins. (Which, despite the bad press, was ultimately a quite successful project.)  That means we will at least know where the 'traps for young players' are likely to be and hopefully avoid some of the problems that beset Collins.

The battle will be between fleet affordability and the technological sophistication of each individual submarine. Where the balance should lie is the multi-billion dollar question.

By Andrew Davies the director of operations and capability at the Australian Strategy Policy Institute. The views here are his own.

Eternal Patrol

WA Member Dennis Money (CPORSSM) died on Monday, 4th February after losing his long fight with Pulmonary Hypertension.  Dennis served on HMS Orpheous, HMS Trump and HMAS Oxley over the period 1966 -1974.  Our thoughts go out to his wife Karen and family.

A name that always comes to mind when the men of the 4th SM Squadron get together is that of Stwd Donald 'Buckwheat' Harris (shown here with Mike Pearson who died last month). It was with regret that we heard that he died in the Derriford Hospital, Plymouth, on Monday 4th Feb, aged 81. Most people will know 'Buckwheat' as a loveable rogue, and a character of characters amongst submariners, (both aged & not so aged), probably best known for his antics; but above all, for his loyalty and dedication to his many Commanding Officers!

During his time with SM4 his exploits were many. One that was recalled to me was when he was up before Capt. S/M and got a fine, normally meant stoppage of pay. Not for Buckwheat – he took out his wallet and paid it straight away. Another time, it is said,  he was sent to a psychiatrist and fell asleep on the couch. He came away with a certificate saying he was sane and took great pleasure in producing it when anyone questioned his sanity – which was often.

I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of his car ... and you know how you just get sooo stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny? Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF!

He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?  ... and that's when the fight started!

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition. The winners are:
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying (or building) a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.
Decafalon: (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

New definitions for existing words:
Coffee, (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted, (adj.) appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate, (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade, (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-Nilly, (adj.) impotent.
Negligent, (adj.) absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Lymph, (v.) to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle, (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence, (n.) emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash, (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle, (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude, (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon, (n.) a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster, (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
Frisbeetarianism, (n.) the belief that, after death the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Circumvent, (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

 Come on Boof, lets go, I'm Flabbergasted ...........

Sunday, 10th FEBRUARY 2008

This week I received several calls from the RSL in Geraldton.  They were making the arrangements for the funeral of SAA WA Branch member Dennis Money.  I was pleased to see that WA Secretary, Paul Meakin. sent the following to the RSL "The Submarines Association of Australia (WA) Branch is indebted to for your support to our departed shipmate and his family."  I was good to see how much effort that the took on Dennis' family and I echo Paul's remarks.

I received this cheeky email "Hello, my name is Javier Reinaldo Sanchez. I am a 25-year-old-girl. I am a Costume Designer (PhD). I am a professor of Teenagers Apparel at university:  I would like to know if you can send me as a donation a polo shirt size L from the Slops Van. I just need this item in order to get better my classes because I am working in a project joined my own students about SPORT SHIRTS as part of teenagers fashion. The product will be used for educational purposes only."  Since when have I looked like Santa Claus!!!!

For those that know the Gympie (Bauple) Tin Can Bay area you will be aware that there are thousands of acres of pine plantations and rugged bush ranges, criss crossed by many little roads.  Yesterday I decided to take Boof and a friend who is also new to the area for a drive to Tin Can Bay and after consulting my map decided that across country I would go.  Into the car, set the GPS and away we went.  After 10 minutes we were in the bush on a dirt track about a metre wide overgrown and very bumpy.  however, my trusty GPS said that we were on track and I ploughed ahead.  I started to lose confidence soon after when the GPS started to tell me to turn at non existent roads and did not give directions when the track came to a fork.  It did not take me long to realise that I may be getting lost, and then, when the GPS came up as a question Mark (?) for directions, I KNEW I was lost. 

After criss crossing the forrest for over an hour and a quarter without seeing any signs of civilisation, or any other vehicle tracks,  my mate was looking a bit worried (he is an old man of 60, they get concerned easily) so I was determined to keep up a brave front and plough ahead. Boof was looking at me with one of his 'we're lost again aren't we looks), I was not going to get any support from him.  I was suddenly made aware that the fuel warning light was showing, so I told them that it was faulty.  Secretly I was starting to get worried, I had plenty of water that I keep in the boot for Boof, but no food, only a few of Boof's Schmakos and I knew that he would not share them with me in his current mood.  I started to fantasise over how my mate would taste, roasted over a bush fire.

My gamble paid off just as I was getting really concerned we came onto a much wider track, we had found a forestry track, a main road could not be far away, as long as we were going in the right direction.  But still no signal from the bloody GPS, it just kept saying 'go to the nearest road'.  It was bout this time I nearly through it out the window.  After about another ten minutes we hit a tarred road and after about another 5 minutes the GPS started to give directions again and soon after rejoined the highway.  My big concern was would we make it to a garage, we had to be running on vapours.  And then, a garage, all was not lost.  After fuelling we continued on to the Bay, the trip took two hours, the return took 35 minutes.  My new ex mate has gone away for a holiday, his wife mumbled something about him being a bundle of nerves?

I decided to go into town the other day and called in to the Maryborough library. A prim Scottish librarian gave me an application to fill in and while I was doing it a bloke walked in and asked, "Excuse me Miss, do you have any books on suicide?"  The librarian look at at him over the top of her glasses and said, "Piss off, you'll not bring it back!"

After completing the Log last Sunday I decided to attend the service at the local church (Bauple has one shop, one Museum and 5 churches) as the Vicar had told parishioners in his newsletter that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. No one wants him to leave and I thought that I would attend to see what the outcome was.

One parishioner who owns several car dealerships stood up and proclaimed: "If the you stay I will provide you with a new Holden every year and your wife with a Honda mini-van to transport your children!"  The congregation sighed in appreciation and applauded. Not to be outdone another, another successful Bauple Nut (Macadamia Nut to the less well informed), stood and said, if you will stay on here, I'll personally double your salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education for your children!"  This bought more sighs and loud applause.

Everyone thought that these offers were going to convince the Vicar to stay and did not think that anyone else could come up with anything to top these offers.  That is until my neighbour Sharron stood up and and announced with a smile "If you stay Vicar, I will give you sex."  There was gasps then total silence. The Vicar, blushing, asked her: "Whatever possessed you to say that?"  "Well, I asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Screw the Vicar'."  Life is never boring in Bauple!!

Around the Traps

National President Update
From feedback that I have received lately it is important that the Association, at all levels, improves communications with it's Members.  Although many things are happening in the background we often forget to keep you updated with progress and I hope to address this by publishing regular updates on things of importance.   However, communications is a two way street and I encourage Members to let us know what they believe are important issues that need to be addressed. 

I was impressed with the generosity of the WA Branch's contribution to Tug Wilson's Walk for Kids with Cancer fundraiser, a donation of $2,000 which is more than a quarter of the Branch's funds.  The WA Branch feel that Cancer is taking far too many of our shipmates, a thought that we all share. Let us hope that other Branches, and all members of the submarine community can see their way clear to make a donation.  Go to www.walkforkidswithcancer.com for further details.

I, like many of you, am of the opinion many illnesses contracted by submariners can be linked to their service in Oberon Class Submarines. The high incidence of skin diseases, deaths from cancers, internal diseases, and many reports of depressive disorders, (not to mention knees, backs, necks etc) are all to often common place among submariners, as a consequence of their unique service. We have only ever been a relatively small fraternity, when compared to our shipmates in surface vessels, with, what appears to be an abnormally high incidence of premature death or invalidity, particularly when you consider we have only ever had six Oberon Class submarines operating. I have sent a letter to Brigadier Bill Rolfe (Rtd), the Repatriation Commissioner at the Department of Veteran Affairs, on the recommendations made on page 90 of the Final Report of the Oberon Submarine Health Project (dated the 16th February 2006). We are seeking information on the remaining five recommendations that are awaiting further investigation. I requested, on behalf of the SAA, assistance and advice as to how these recommendations could be achieved.   I will advise Members when a response is received.

South Australian Branch News
Secretary Dave Bryant reminds Members that the next General Meeting of the SA Branch will be held on Sunday 24th February 2008, at the Port Adelaide Naval Association Clubrooms, commencing at 1230 for a 1300 start.  Wives/Partners are most welcome, and members are requested to bring a plate of "Smally Eats", and a bottle of something to raffle.  The Committee apologises for the change of date, but unfortunately the clubrooms were required for a PANA function.

Queensland Branch News
In his regular email updates to Branch member, Secretary Rob Woolrych advised members of the results of a trial conducted on online voting.  He wrote, "Gentlemen, we were a little “suspicious” of the subject of “ON-LINE Voting” and what we would achieve with this exercise. However with the advice of Paul Mansell and Norm Williams we believe that we have had a successful trial of the concept. This was our first go and we had nearly a 28% response from Queensland Members and about 20% response Australia wide.

This fulfilled the first part of our decision at the Maryborough Meeting which was to trial some form of Voting system that could be used by the SAA when the Executive need to approach the Members for a decision or for other purposes.  “Very Many Thanks” to all of you who participated and our thanks to those of you who made comment. Your input will now be correlated by the SAA Qld Inc Committee."

The original purpose of the trial was to seek out the members thoughts as to whether SAA Qld Inc should proceed with re-submitting the proposals that were sidelined at last years S.A.A. Annual General Meeting. The Committee will be meeting in the not too distant future to discuss the matter. \From a quick look at the comments “Australia Wide” the following observations are made:

  • You appear to want change

  • One vote/one State or total members votes is a matter of contention for the decision making process

  • Members are worried about the dominance of the States with large Membership with small States becoming irrelevant

  • Not everyone can attend SUBCON for many reasons and perhaps the format needs change

  • Your comments showed you are interested in the Association and you want it to be successful.

  • Non attendance at SUBCON is not an indication of disinterest. Many factors come into this not the least being cost.

  • Agenda items for SUBCON need to be fully discussed and Voted at State level prior to SUBCON.

Once again “Very Many Thanks” not only to SAA Qld Inc members who participated but also to those members in the other States and indeed one from the UK and one from Singapore who made very valuable input. All points have been noted and SAA Qld Inc will decide whether to proceed with a proposal for submission to the Annual General Meeting of the Submarines Association Australia to be held in Canberra in June 2008". 

Collins visits Tasmania
HMAS Collins crept up the River Derwent this week to begin an invasion of naval vessels to mark Navy Week and berthed alongside Princes Wharf No. 2 as the first arrival of ships which will showcase the ships and people of the Royal Australian Navy. The Anzac Class Frigate HMAS Parramatta berthed at Princes Wharf No. 1 and the Navy's new fast-attack helicopter the A109E Augusta will make an appearance for Navy Week and the Royal Hobart Regatta on Monday.  Open days for the Parramatta and Collins were held on Saturday at Princes Wharf and the Navy set up displays alongside the two vessels.

Taking a deeper look at the Navy on HMAS Collins
Carol Raabus and Andrea Ho wrote "Admiral Collins was the first Australian born chief of our Navy. He was a decorated World War II hero and he was actually born in Deloraine in Tasmania."  This is why the first of the Royal Australian Navy's Collins Class submarines was named HMAS Collins, according to Commander Matt Buckley. In fact, three of the Navy's six Collins Class subs are named for Tasmanians. Apparently Tasmanians make up a higher proportion of naval recruits compared to the rest of the population.

HMAS Collins is twelve years old this year. She has a crew of approximately 50, but can carry up to 60. She is currently staffed by a male-only crew, though other Australian submarines have mixed crews.  Australia's submarine fleet has connections around Australia, according to the HMAS Collins's Executive Officer, Lieutenant Michael Manfield. The subs were refitted in Adelaide, are controlled from Sydney, but are based at and operated from Fremantle in Western Australia.

Traditionally the submarine corps find it a challenge to attract recruits, but speaking to long-serving submariners it's clear they are passionate about their work. Lieutenant Manfield previously served aboard surface ships in the United Kingdom, and came to submarines later, towards the end of the Cold War. His first mission took him below the Arctic ice caps, and since then he hasn't looked back.

There are differences between training for submariners and the rest of the Navy. "Irrespective of what rating or category you are, you have to learn a little bit about everyone else's job, and you have to learn a lot about the submarine," said Commander Buckley.

"We're a fairly small crew, and we all have a fairly intimate knowledge of the systems, so that at any one time any person can shut off a valve, or open a valve, or do whatever needs to be done to prevent any problems from happening."

Submarine life can mean living underwater for weeks, and at sea for months, at a time. So what makes someone become a submariner? One of the attractions of the life is the mystique, said Commander Buckley.  "Submarines attracted me as something a little bit different, a little bit out of the ordinary, and perhaps something a little bit secretive," he said.

Submarines are secretive. There are rules about what can and cannot be photographed onboard, and certain details, such as how deep the Collins Class can go, are a little sketchy, as Commander Buckley would only tell us the sub can go "very deep".

HMAS Collins is a compact environment, with low ceilings and narrow hallways. Sleeping quarters are small, and with up to six submariners bunked in a sleeping space privacy is at a minimum.  Few civilians have access to a submarine's interior, but Lieutenant Manfield said certain films give a relatively accurate depiction of a submarine environment: "The classic Das Boot is pretty realistic. Down Periscopes with Kelsey Grammer is not bad either."

Lieutenant Ian Dawson, the Electrical Officer for HMAS Collins, took us on an extensive tour of HMAS Collins operations and living areas, demonstrating the periscope and explaining that a submarine's three main search techniques are radar and sonar (listening), and optics (looking).  He completed his tertiary education through the ADFA, and considers submarine work "the best" of the defence forces. After just a little time 'above decks', Lieutenant Dawson tried submarines and soon earned his 'Dolphins' - the basic submariner's qualification. Since then he has gone on to become one of the executive command team of HMAS Collins.

However, nearly a decade at sea does not make you immune from sea sickness. "I'm too not proud to admit I do get sea sick," he said.

Victorian Branch News
The Victorian Vice President has sent some information which may be worthwhile to some of our members. It is an Australian Government department Veterans and Veterans Families Counselling Service (VVCS). They provide a specialised, confidential service that provides nation-wide counseling and support to Australian veterans, peacekeepers, their families and eligible ADF personnel. They can provide a wide range of programs and treatment for war and service-related mental health conditions including post traumatic stress disorder. The Group eligibility is:

  • All Australian veterans who have served in any conflict or peacekeeping operation.

  • Partners, ex-partners <5 years, war widows of Australian veterans of all conflicts and peacekeeping operations.

  • Children of Vietnam veterans of any age and/or dependent children of other veterans up to the age of 26.

  • Current serving members of the ADF under special referral arrangements.

  • DVA white card holders with accepted mental health condition.

Veteran's reunions
Bill Myers has organized the annual John Gibson Memorial Day lunch at the Waratah Hotel on Tuesday - 26th of February, for The Vung Tau Ferry & Escorts crews. Ex Soldiers and RAAF are strongly encouraged to attend, the theme this year is "wear your unit or military associations logoed shirt". The $30.00 cost includes a BBQ lunch and  beer. For further details contact Bill Myers - 0401 799 520.

Vendetta Veterans' Association (Queensland Division) advise that the next luncheon/meeting of the Association will be held on Sunday, 2nd March 2008 at the home of Ray and Loraine Porteous commencing at 11.00am, Cost - only $5.00 per person. For catering purposes please RSVP before 27th February. Phone - 07 3288 1702

Bob Wilson is now in possession of 1000 Walk brochures and will supply them on request. The donation of $2,000 dollars from the WA Branch really came as a surprise to Tug, a pleasant surprise and in an email to Fred Lawrence, the WA President, he said "I believe WA Branch has  done a wonderful thing for kids with cancer. Please convey my heartfelt  thanks to all your WA Members."  Please go to www.walkforkidswithcancer.com to register to walk and/or register your donation. Bank details on website. 

Ray Jamieson, President of the Submariners Association (Australia Branch) writes "Nit picking maybe, but might as well get it right. In the February Log in Fred Goddard's list of call signs there is a small error. Third "T" to arrive was "Tactician" not Taciturn as stated, she came out from Malta." Thanks Ray, fixed and Fred has been advised.

CPOETSM Ashley Davis, head of the SM shanghai crew at asked "Morning my small friend, how goes your easy life in Queensland?? Bet you didn't count on all the rain. I am trying to get hold of a copy of the original Navy Order 411 as issued in 1966. Would you know where, who I need to talk to."  My obvious answer was 'try defence' but I assume that he had done this without success. Anyone have any ideas?  For those that are not aware of what we are on about, on 25 July1966 the RAN issued Navy Order number 411, which covered who was eligible to wear the submarine badge and how.I contacted Henry Cook, the Commander mentioned in the article on the submarine badge (he was given the distinction of being the first submariner to wear the Dolphins) but he also referred me to defence.

Howard 'Tex' Rutter wrote I enjoyed the anecdotes about Rosa in the latest log. Rosa did in fact transfer to the RAN and was a medical officer at the Joint Services Medical Centre in Russell Offices in Canberra in the 1980's. I was serving in Navy Office at the time and visited the medical centre on a number of occasions and found her to be a good doctor. When she saw my submarine badge she asked me whether I had served in the UK. I told her that I was on a Faslane based boat at one stage and that I was a member of the commissioning crew of Onslow. She passed away some years ago." 

Graham 'Bubbles' Boyce commented "I have been following your countrification with some amusement. Great to see that you are still up to the challenge. It is now about 14 years since I moved back to the country and wouldn't have it any other way. Lorraine and I visited the kids over Christmas and couldn't wait to get out of the big towns and cities. Any place with a population greater than an 'O' boats crew is overcrowded. I just hope that Peaceful Bay stay's hidden. Please don't let that frighten off any Submariner who wishes to visit, the Bar is always open, as Arab and Julie found out recently. If you want a change in snake species we have plenty of Tiger Snakes over here, will be more than happy to send some over. They love to live under verandah's and other places were people walk. Send some of that rain down here. You can keep your bloody Tiger snakes MATE!!!

Sandy Freeleagus has far too much spare time........ he writes "With Valentine's Day coming up, I thought you might like to present this little narrative for the ladies. It's called" The Submariners' Wife.

When the Good Lord was creating the submariners' wife, He was into His 6th day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're having trouble with this one. What's wrong with the standard model ?" The Lord replied, "Have you seen the regulations and specifications ? The model for the submariners' wife has to be completely independent, but but must be sponsored to get on base; have the qualities of both mother and father during deployments; be a perfect hostess to 4 or 40; handle emergencies without navy orders; cope with the flu and moves around the world; have a kiss that cures anything from a child's torn valentine to a sailor's weary day; have the patience of a saint when waiting for his boat to return home; and have six pairs of hands.

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands ? No way."
The Lord answered, "Don't worry, we'll make other submariners' wives to help her. Besides, it's not the hands that are causing the problems, it's the heart. It must swell with pride with what her husband is and does; sustain the ache of separation; beat soundly when too tired to do so and be large enough to say, "I love you."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve gently, "go to bed - You can finish it tomorrow."
"I can't," said the Lord, "I'm so close to creating something unique. Already I have one who can heal herself when sick, feed unexpected guests who are stuck in the area due to bad weather or because they are under the weather, and wave good-bye to her spouse from a pier and understand its importance to the country that he leaves."

The angel circled the model of the submariners' wife very slowly. "It's too soft," she said.
"But tough,' said the Lord excitedly. "You cannot imagine what this being can do or endure."
"Can it think ?"
"Can it think ! It can convert 1400 hours into 2pm."

Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. "There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."

"It's not a leak," said the Lord, "it's a tear."
"What's it for ?" asked the angel.
"It's for joy, sadness, pain, loneliness and pride."
"You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber and replied, "I didn't put it there."

"Now Bungy, if that's not guaranteed to cop you a cuddle - nothing will. And just to show you that I've not gone completely soft and gooey, here's another one (that, incidentally, I presented to Hi Rob, and no - I didn't cop a cuddle)."

My Darling, I love you when you're happy
And I love you when you're sad,
I love you when you're good,
But love you better when you're bad.
And darling when you're naughty,
My love's beyond compare,
But I luvs you most, flat on yer back -
With yer legs up in the air.

I think that's enough said on the Valentine's Day topic.

One of the most pleasing aspects of running the web site is the number of times that we get requests to 'find a missing mate, friend or relative'.  This has been a busier week than normal, 14 requests and we managed to 'find' all the missing.  One such request came from Marie Gray (McCallum) who asked "We are trying to find our rellie Paul McCallum. I checked out the website and found his name, therefore I figure you must know him. We are the long lost Queensland rellies of his Dad, living on the Sunshine Coast. Our interest is we are doing the Family Tree and would love to have contact, if he so desires. I last saw Paul in WA when Alex and I had lunch with him on the ship that was docked at the base about 13 years ago, (he may remember us)." Paul responded to my email with "Thanks Norm, The web site works its magic yet again."

And another request came from Jane Appleton (nee Worman) who asked "Is it possible to contact Ian MacDougal through this site? I knew Ian when he was a Dartmouth naval cadet and was at his passing out parade, he was the best overseas cadet and won the "telescope of honour" or some such thing! I would love to make contact with him again."  They were soon put in contact.

Last week I advised of the death of Lt Com Ken Bromback RN (Rtd).  Queensland Branch patron George Hunt, as Chief Officer to Flag Officer Submarines at the time, transferred Ken from the RN to an Australian appointment. Ken joined the Submarine Service on 31st May 1950. He served on Acheron, Anchorite, Sleuth Thule, Artemis, He took the Commanding Officers Qualifying Course in 1957 and was then appointed to command the following submarines: Seneschal 1957, Tapir 1960, Alcide 1962, Auriga 1963, Token 1964.
Ken and his wife Anne kept in snailmail contact with George.  In recent years Ken sailed as relieving Master, ship deliveries, long standing Coast Guard volunteer and a member of The Company of Master Mariners QLD.

Jonathon 'Smokey' Dawson should get a life "We (Yvonne) and I spent the last couple of weeks in Darwin, Fishing, Drinking, Gambling (casino) and more Fishing/Drinking. For Yvonne’s Birthday on the 17th we are going to New Zealand’s South Island, for more of the same thing."

Jim Moon reminisced "While in my playroom (Beamers, Harleys, etc) Lady Monica asked me what the white stamp on my car ramps, complete with pussers decktread meant. I explained that one weekend back in the 70s under the cover of darkness, one duty PO, none other than shipwright-type Zero McNaught skulked thru Plats and marked what he considered to be non-Her Majesty's work. I explained that the fornicating furries was meant to reflect F*cking Rabbits. Needless to say that there were some red faces in the tiffies workshop the following Monday. I think that "Hav-a-chat", another chippy was responsible for the original stamp. Wonder how many other rabbit merchants were so unceremoniously scarred? Wonder what Zero's up to now?"

5,000 men were asked to complete a survey on what THEY liked best about 'Oral Sex':

  • 3% liked the warmth.

  • 4% enjoyed the sensation.

  • 93% appreciated the silence.

Gap Year recruits get a visit from Minister
The Minister for Defence Science and Personnel, the Hon. Warren Snowdon, MP, visited the first 15 Gap Year recruits attending the Navy’s Recruit School at HMAS Cerberus, Victoria.  The Minister is taking a great interest in the Gap Year program and wanted to personally welcome the participants to the Australian Defence Force.

Minister Snowdon said that meeting with the Gap Year recruits three weeks into their training gave him the opportunity to find out first hand their motivations for participating in the program, what they expected to get from it, and their experiences to date. “The Gap Year program is an incredible opportunity for young Australians to experience life in the ADF, and I hope to be able to speak with these recruits several times over the 12 months to track their progress, and to get their insights into both the ADF and Gap Year.”

“These recruits are fully integrated into the regular recruit training system for 11 weeks, which will be followed by an appropriate posting ashore or to sea to ensure they are provided with a true and accurate understanding of what it takes to be a sailor in today’s Navy.”

“It is anticipated that some Gap Year participants will go on to serve in the ADF, and I am very encouraged to see that more than half of the successful Navy applicants are women” said Minister Snowdon.

This year 100 Gap Year recruits will undertake RAN recruit training. The initial group of recruits joined the first intake of the year on 14 January 2008 and come from all over Australia: Grafton, NSW; Ashmore, Bundaberg, Carrara, Kirwan, Narangba and Southport in Queensland; Oakden and Para Hills West in SA; Traralgon and Dereel in Victoria, and; Cottesloe, Kingsley, Mundaring and Yangebup in WA.

The 2008 ADF Gap Year is now full and applications for 2009 will open on 1 May 2008.

Navy used goats in submarine experiments, MoD reveals
The Guardian reports that the Royal Navy used goats to test whether it was safe for sailors to escape from stricken submarines because their skulls are a similar shape to those of humans, the MoD revealed yesterday. The little-known experiments to avoid submariners getting the bends were revealed in a written Commons statement by the defence minister, Derek Twigg, which also announced that the practice was to be abandoned.

Live goats have been used for decades at the navy's base in Gosport, near Portsmouth, as part of research into the effects of different degrees of decompression. The animals were placed into hyperbaric pressure chambers to induce sickness. "They were never placed under water and they were not alone. Other goats were in there too," a defence official said yesterday. Six goats were killed in the course of more than 400 experiments between 2000 and 2006. More than 120 were humanely killed after the experiments under Home Office regulations, according to the MoD.

The experiments were suspended last year. The French navy had already stopped using live animals for the research, the Dr Hadwen Trust, a non-animal medical research charity, said. Goats had suffered brain damage and other "hideous effects", said the trust's Wendy Higgins. "It is regrettable but inevitable that warfare causes human suffering but it is totally unethical that we should add to this the unnecessary suffering of innocent animals," she added.

Engineers breaking-up WWII U-boat
Engineers have started a month-long operation to break up the only World War II German U-Boat in the UK to turn it into a new tourist attraction.  U-534, which is being moved to Mersey Ferries' Woodside ferry terminal in Birkenhead, will be split into four pieces using a diamond wire cutter.  The sections, each weighing up to 240 tonnes, will each take a day to move.

Visitors will be able to walk through sections of the U-boat when the exhibition opens in July.  The submarine currently stands at Mortar Mill Quay, near Birkenhead, where it formed part of the Historic Warships Museum, which closed last year. Merseytravel, which owns and operates Mersey Ferries, bought the vessel to turn into a tourist attraction at its terminal. 

There are only four U-Boats left. U-534, which is being moved to Mersey, two in Germany and a sister boat of the U-534 in Chicago.  The Imperial War Museum confirmed there are only four full-size WWII German U-Boats in existence, and that U-534 is the only one in the UK.

The submarine, launched on 23 September 1942, was used as a training vessel in the Baltic, according to the museum.  U-534 was sunk on 5 May 1945, in the Kattegat, north-west of Helsingor, Denmark, by depth charges dropped by an RAF Liberator.  The boat was salvaged in 1993 and brought to the UK in May 1996, before becoming a popular tourist attraction in Seacombe.

The warships museum was closed down after nearby warehouses were redeveloped and the land was needed for parking space.  The new exhibition at Woodside, which includes artifacts from the submarine and an enigma machine, is due to open in July.

Hitler's ‘lost fleet' found in Black Sea
Three German submarines, known to date as "Hitler's lost fleet," have been discovered off the Turkish Black Sea coast near the town of Zonguldak.  The small fleet, which lies three miles off the Zonguldak coast and near the famous holiday resort town of Agva, was found by a Turkish team of researchers led by marine engineer Selçuk Kolay. Kolay will give a presentation about his findings