Around the Traps

It was good to see the next generation Submarine Project features heavily in the media this week.  It demonstrates the faith that both parties have in the value of submarines for Australia's future defence needs.  It also augers well for the future of ASC, and demonstrates a confidence in the capability of its staff.  The efforts of Peter Briggs and the Submarine Institute of Australia to get the project accepted as a necessity is to be commended.

SA Branch News
Sunday 16th December saw 40 plus Association members and families get-together at Bonython Park Adelaide for our annual Christmas BBQ. Secretary Dave Bryant reported "A most enjoyable day was had by all, with an abundance of food and drink imbibed."  David advised that the next General Meeting of the Branch will be on Sunday 2nd March 2008 at the Port Adelaide Naval Association, 1230 for 1300. The AGM will be on Sunday 25th May at the same venue, same time.  Finally, the President, Committee and members of the South Australian Branch wish all association members a Happy Christmas and a safe and prosperous New Year 2008.

Visit “Crusty Old Submariners walking for Kids with Cancer” website support Tug Wilson and his team with sponsorship and to track the walk as it happens www.walkforkidswithcancer.com. The Army, Navy and RAAF News were sent the media release but at this time only the Army News has adviised of their intentions to print an item.  Carol Wilson notes that Boot Hatfield's Christmas message to Victorian members included a notice about the "Walk" and one of the first responses was from Angus Bartlett-Bragg (80 years young) who wants to walk a short distance in NSW. Boot asks "What is wrong with the rest of us young fellas?"

 I have often heard that when some men reach a certain age they change in so many ways: Fast red sports cars, long hair, an eye for younger women and a taste for many of the finer things in life.  I received this photo of Fred Fisher and was pleased to see that he has not changed, he still drinks rum on Christmas morning.

Terry & Liz Parsons of Coffs Harbour were amongst the many that sent email greetings over the last few weeks. "Liz and I would like to send a personal Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for 2008. With No Snow, it will probably be around 30 Celsius or there about down here this year, although rain is predicted at this time. With about 20 or so due in for lunch, the cricket pitch mowed in the paddock (for someone other than me to play), the pool some 1.5 klm away (for those aching muscles) and the spare fridge moved upstairs for drinks, it should be a great day I feel. Bloody hell, Liz has just started the Xmas Carol Thing Again - MUST SHE ??? Best wishes to ALL....."  These thoughts were expressed by too many to publish so Liz and Terry said it for you all.

David 'Pee Wee' Petherick wrote "I was just reading The Log, as I haven't been able to get on this damn thing for about a week or so, as our provider just shut down the service without telling one. But back on now. I tried to ring you, but got the message, so decided to Email instead. Anyway, I don't have that much news apart from my cadet unit, which has been a part of my life for the last fifteen years. The highlight of my year would have to have been the birth of our grandson, Hayden, to our daughter Karen, who still lives in Hemmel Hempstead, UK. The next achievement, would be the entry of four of my cadets into the RAN, two of which have just completed their recruit training, and the other two go to ADFA in January. The unfortunate bit is, that they are my senior cadets, but I suppose that's what we are here for isn't it.  We are right down on numbers at the moment, and also we desperately need adult instructors, especially female ones, as most of the remainder of cadets are female. You'll have to come down and have a look over the place sometime. I'll get this away now and shoot up to the shops. Catch up with you soon."  It is great to see that some of our members are doing their bit for the community and Dave can be rightfully proud of his achievement with his unit.   

Eric Pearson sent a note (after spending a week in Puerto Rico) from New York where he is spending a few days before heading to Boston to see some old USN Submarine mates. He was in Puerto Rico on the last leg of a 15 day cruise of the Caribbean. The next leg of Eric's around the world trip starts from Boston.

Another soon to go overseas is Port Macquarie resident Tom O'Farrell. "We've to go to Ireland at the end of January, 'cos my youngest son is getting married in a village near Dublin. It won't be the same as going up The Foyle and being covered with diesel fumes 'n spray - hopefully. We are practicing leaning at sixty degrees, in anticipation of the cold Atlantic winters - together with the accompanying sleet, snow 'n rain. Just luverly??"  Have a good trip mate and have a glass or two of the black magic for me.  Fond memories (or lack of?) of Ireland, I spent my 21st birthday there on Onyx.  Managed to get beat up by a mob of kids about 10 years old, lucky I was drunk and confused tired at the time or it may have hurt more than my pride.

Sammy Brennan moved to New Zealand when he paid off. He has been roped into joining NZ reserves by a couple of mates that are ex NZ Navy. He reports "It is a bit of a laugh but have quite enjoyed some of the exercises we have done up north. good bunch of blokes."  I understand that before accepting him he had to be retrained in all things mechanical and the English language.

Graeme Klepzig writes "Bah humbug to you too Norm. I hope that next year is a good one and hope that you can get some contractors off there arses and back on the job and that your flea plague disappears. It has been a bad year for the sick list. I hope that your messages get through to some people, I'm taking notice and my life is good once again." He included a photo from his last run away on his motor bike (an M109R 1800 v twin that he said is a bit more impressive than Phil Solomon's Vespa) cruising along the Oxley highway between Walcha and Wauchope.

Brum Clay (Stoker After Ends) of South Australia wrote "Recently tripped over your website and have found it very interesting having served with the SM4 Squadron from Dec 61 through to mid 64. Had the pleasure of serving in Tapier and Tabard.  I completed an Island trip on Tapier under the Command of LT Cdr David Lormier RN who sustained a rugby injury during this trip and the boat was brought back to Sydney under the Command of LT Bridger RN (The Jimmy). When Tapier sailed for the UK I had a pier head jump to Tabard and spent the rest of my station time onboard."  It is always good to hear that the site continues to gather visitors.

Looking For..........

• Colin Deller is looking for crew members of Oxley late 73/74.  If you can please contact Col.

• Stephen Hartwig is looking for Barny Barnett from HMAS Onslow.

Ken Summers, the President of  the Naval Officers' Association of Vancouver Island (NOAVI) has advised that he received the following letter from RAdm Pile (Commander of Maritime Forces Pacific and Joint Task Force (Pacific)) regarding the finding of submarine D3. If anyone can assist in finding the family, please let Ken know.  "I am writing to bring to your attention the wonderful discovery, and recently confirmed identity, of the wreck of the WW 1 submarine D3 near Fecamp, Normandy. Research conducted by Mr. Neil Hallett, a scuba diver involved in the initial find, has determined that the Commanding Officer was Acting Lieutenant William McKinstry Maitland-Dougall RCN, from Duncan, BC. Mr Hallett is now attempting to locate any surviving family members of A/Lt Maitland-Dougall. I have asked LCdr J.G.Arbuckle, Navy Heritage Officer, to research the subject, but also request the assistance of the NOAVI and your resources to locate any family members. This discovery is truly amazing, and it is deserving of presentation to any surviving family."

After visiting the site Mike Gilbert (Cdr RN) wrote "I did Perisher with Mickey Dunne (1977) and served with him in the UK for many years. Two years ago he disappeared off the map! Mickey drove HMS Finwal in UK and several Australian boats/ships, finally ending up in MOD. He was last heard of in Melbourne doing financial services. Can you help me locate him please."  Of course we could and Mike is now in touch with Mick.

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties. The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"  The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5." The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first." OK," said the old Jewish man, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that". "If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom."  Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.  Several hours later he staggered back. "Your bloody brother won't let me in without a tie."

Report of the Review into Military Superannuation Arrangements
Minister for Defence Science and Personnel Warren Snowdon has released the Report of the Review into Military Superannuation Arrangements, commissioned by the Howard Government and presented to them in July 2007.

Although the report was commissioned by the previous government, Labor had committed to publicly releasing the document within four weeks of forming government. “The Rudd Government will provide further opportunity for public comment about the review’s findings and recommendations and will consider its attitude to the report after the consultation period, which concludes on 31 March,” Mr Snowdon said.

The review report may be viewed on the Defence website at: www.defence.gov.au/militarysuperreview.  Interested parties may comment on the report and its recommendations. Details of how to comment can be found on the website.

Health Matters - Asbestos
With several submariners having been diagnoderd with asbestosis related health problems it was timely that Marty Grogan, Special Projects Officer HMAS SYDNEY & V.L.S.V.A. (VIC), provided the following important information. 

If you served in the Navy in the 60’s and 70’s you have potentially been exposed to ASBESTOS. Some years ago we Veterans in that risk category were advised to have annual Chest X-rays to monitor our health in relation to this insidious disease.

Websites to visit

• Mal McQueen sent a link to a great web site for the handyman/woman - no it's not Bunnings.Ride in a F-18 With the Blue Angels. This is outstanding. Be sure to watch all of the 'scenes' especially 'Scene 2'.

• The People's Liberation Army Navy (PLAN) has continued its unprecedented modernization and buildup and this site shows some interesting new hardware. 

• View an animation of the AE2's passage of the Dardanelles on 24-29 April 1915. The presentation is based on Lieutenant-Commander Henry Stoker's report of the voyage submitted after the end of the war and published in Arthur Jose, The Royal Australian Navy 1914-1918, The Official History of Australia in the War of 1914-1918.

• K Class submarines were the most bizarre and ill-fated submarines of the First World War period and this site is very interesting.

• A new site dedicated to the guys of the 76th intake HMAS Leeuwin. Some submariners that are in the nominal list include Bob Apps, Keith Amos, Mick Ploenges, Shane Richards, Rd Williams and Sean Kenney (shown here in his pit, the place that he spent so much time throughout his naval career).

No matter what the old Coxswain did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm.  Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi. The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love have him wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'

They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They convince a young stoker to participate and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi. 'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'try it reversed. Have the stoker make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'

Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home with the stoker. The stoker gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The stoker gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting, screaming orgasm.

The old Coxswain smiles, looks at the young stoker and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!!

Australian Navy's new lethal submarine fleet
The government has announced that it will build the world's most lethal conventional submarine fleet, capable of carrying long-range cruise missiles and futuristic midget-subs, to combat an expected arms race in the region. Defence Minister Joel Fitzgibbon has ordered planning to begin on the next generation of submarines to replace the Royal Australian Navy's Collins-class fleet with the aim of gaining "first pass" approval for the design phase from cabinet's National Security Committee in 2011.

The 17-year project will be the largest, longest and most expensive defence acquisition since Federation, potentially costing up to $25 billion. It comes at a time when regional navies such as Indonesia's, China's and India's are seeking to dramatically expand their submarine fleets, potentially altering the balance of naval power in the region. "There is widespread agreement that submarines provide a vital military capability for Australia," Mr Fitzgibbon said.  "The development of new submarines requires long-term planning and needs to progress quickly, and that's what I have asked for."

Defence planners have examined two key studies this year, one by independent think tank the Kokoda Foundation, which have concluded that strategic shifts in the region will make submarines a more important to Australia's defence than ever before.  Defence will study a wide range of futuristic options for the new submarines, which will be built in Adelaide and will replace the six Collins-class submarines when they are retired in 2025.

The new submarines will almost certainly be built by the builder of the Collins-class fleet, the Australian Submarine Corporation, once the government-owned ASC has been privatised. "South Australia is the only credible location for the construction of Australia's next generation of submarine," Mr Fitzgibbon said.

The aim will be to create the world's most deadly conventional submarine fleet to allow Australia to maintain its strategic advantage over fast-growing rival navies in the region.

Although Defence has not yet ruled out the possibility of Australia acquiring nuclear-powered submarines, this option is considered highly unlikely on strategic, practical and political grounds.  Instead, defence planners will focus on producing a larger, quieter, faster and more deadly version of the existing six Collins-class submarines, which, after a troubled birth in the 1990s, have proved to be one of the country's most important defence assets.

It is not known how many of the new submarines will be built.  Defence has confirmed that one of the options to be considered for the new submarine fleet will be small unmanned mini-subs that can be launched from the "mother" submarines. "Technological developments such as unmanned vehicles would probably offer complementary capabilities to any future underwater warfare platform," a Defence spokesman said.

Another priority for the new submarines will be the new generation air-independent propulsion systems, which allow conventional submarines to stay underwater for longer periods, greatly increasing operational effectiveness.

Defence said the new post-Collins submarines will have more flexible designs, allowing them to be quickly reconfigured for different types of missions, from intelligence gathering to strategic strikes. The new submarines will be able to carry a greater variety of long-range weapons, possibly including long-range cruise missiles as well as short-range tactical land-strike missiles. They will also be configured to facilitate the secret transporting of SAS squads into regional hot spots.

In a study earlier this year, the Kokoda Foundation estimated that building, arming and supporting a new, fully modernised submarine fleet could cost between $20 billion and $25 billion, making it the largest defence project in Australia, dwarfing even the $15 billion Joint Strike Fighter project.

The Government hopes to complete its initial research into the options for the new submarines by 2011, when cabinet will give "first pass" consideration to the plan.  In 2014-15, the Government is due to give "second pass" consideration to the project, resulting in contracts and the eventual construction of the submarines, with sea trials tentatively scheduled for 2024.

The submarine-replacement project will be included in the next Defence Capability Plan.

Defence to reach new depths
An unusual defence brief landed on the desk of Labor's Joel Fitzgibbon last July, when he was the Opposition spokesman for defence. It was written not by Australian Defence Force chiefs but by the Submarine Institute of Australia, a body comprising some of the country's most decorated former submarine commanders. The brief was on the future of the submarine fleet and it did not mince words. It began: "To retain an effective undersea warfare capability, planning needs to begin NOW on a future submarine."

A naval arms race in the region was gathering pace and Australia could not afford to be left behind, the submariners warned. "Significant investment is under way by regional nations to acquire or improve their submarine capability," they wrote.

"Modern western European technologies are being fielded in many of these capabilities. Both India and China are also acquiring European and Russian submarine technology of considerable sophistication. The emergence of regional powers armed with nuclear-powered submarines, and submarines with a strategic strike capability, are likely," the report said.

"In short, more countries will seek to practice underwater denial."

Fitzgibbon has emerged as Defence Minister in the Rudd Government and this week he took his first major decision: to start the planning process for the next generation of submarines to replace the navy's Collins-class fleet when it is retired in 2025.

The landmark move is a recognition of two key realities. The first is that the traditional maritime balance of power in our region is fast changing, with Australia's advantage being threatened by rapidly expanding navies across the region. The second reality is that the process of building the next generation of Royal Australian Navy submarines will be long, expensive and inevitably painful. Unless serious planning for this futuristic fleet begins now, there is little or no chance the new submarines will be ready to sail by 2025, when the six Collins-class boats will be obsolete.

Fitzgibbon's decision has been welcomed by defence experts and also by the Coalition Opposition, which would have done the same thing if it had been returned to power.  The fact that there has not been a single dissenting voice for what will be the longest and most expensive defence project since Federation shows how far the defence debate has moved from the days when experts questioned the need for an indigenous submarine fleet. The success of the Collins-class boats and an increasingly uncertain strategic outlook have led to a bipartisan conviction that Australia cannot afford to lose its submarine capability.

"The bottom line is that no one these days seriously argues that we don't need a new generation of submarines after the Collins class are gone," says Neil James, executive director of the Australia Defence Association.  In fact, experts say Australia's need for submarines has never been greater.

"By 2025 there will be over 150 modern submarines in the Indian Ocean and Pacific Ocean regions, not counting those of our American allies and our own," says Peter Briggs, a former submarine commander and now president of the Submarine Institute of Australia.

Former Labor defence minister and Opposition leader Kim Beazley says Australia needs to consider doubling the present fleet in order to match the expansion in rival submarine capability in the region.  "I think we need to have up to 12 submarines because of the numbers of submarines being developed elsewhere," he tells Inquirer. Beazley also says more submarines are needed to counter a "glaring weakness" in Australia's anti-submarine warfare capabilities at a time when the navy will be producing "the best submarine targets in the region" with its new air warfare destroyers and amphibious landing ships.

In a study released this year, the Australian Strategic Policy Institute warned that the availability of off-the-shelf submarines from Russia and other countries had dramatically shortened the time it took for rival countries to develop a submarine capability. "Sophisticated Russian and western European submarines are proliferating into the region, with Bangladesh, China, India, Indonesia, Malaysia, Pakistan, Singapore and South Korea all acquiring or planning to acquire modern conventional boats," the institute said. "The rising major powers of China and India are working to develop indigenous nuclear submarines in conjunction with acquiring sophisticated conventional submarines and weapons from abroad. China in particular has markedly increased the size and capability of its fleet over the last decade and continues to build on that progress.

"The upshot is that Australia will soon face a region that has a much greater capability to conduct submarine operations. In a contingency, submarines will be able to seriously threaten the operation of surface fleets and commercial trade."

With a new defence white paper due to be completed late next year, the submarine replacement project will be viewed with suspicion by rival services in the ADF. Some in the air force may fear the expensive new submarines will undermine their pitch for large numbers of Joint Strike Fighters, with a decision on the Lockheed JSF project due late next year. The army may feel it will compromise its push for more infantry. Even some elements of the navy are wary of submarines, fearing that they will suck up its allotment of resources, which might otherwise be channelled into surface ships.

If these disputes do arise, submarine advocates will be disadvantaged because there is no longer a submarine operations office in Canberra since it was relocated to the fleet base in Western Australia in 2000. This means that during the policy arm-wrestles that will take place in Canberra next year ahead of the defence white paper, there will no senior submariner at the table to argue their case.

But Fitzgibbon is a believer in the need for a strong submarine arm and is likely to be a staunch defender of the project. "This project will need every bit of ministerial attention because it hasn't got the same public focus as the Joint Strike Fighter and air warfare destroyer projects have," says Beazley. "Generally speaking, the submarine fleet has been driven by politicians since the days of Alfred Deakin, who was the father of Australian submarines, acquiring two of them against the advice of his British advisers."

Fitzgibbon has promised that the new submarines will be built in Adelaide and, while he has not said so, the new boats will almost certainly be built by Collins-class maker the Australian Submarine Corporation.

The minister wants the design phase of the project to gain first-pass approval from cabinet's national security committee in 2011.  At this stage the Defence Department is keeping all options open for the new submarines, including the small possibility that the new boats will be nuclear-powered rather than diesel-powered like the Collins class.

Nuclear submarines would offer some strategic advantages over conventional submarines. They are much faster and can stay underwater indefinitely, allowing them to shadow deep ocean convoys around the clock.

However, the Collins do not shadow convoys like their US counterparts do. Instead, they spend much of their time close to shore, gathering intelligence: a task for which speed is largely irrelevant.

Conventional submarines such as the Collins are also quieter than their nuclear counterparts, making them better suited to shallow-water, close-shore operations.  They are also significantly cheaper to build at about one-third of the cost of a nuclear-powered boat. This cost factor, plus the fact that Australia does not have a nuclear industrial infrastructure to support a nuclear fleet, is likely to lead Defence to rule out a nuclear submarine early in its deliberations.

The Government will be anxious to avoid a repeat of the substantial problems that plagued the Collins-class boats in their early years when they were too noisy, leaky and had a faulty combat system.  Despite these problems, Labor says the new submarines will once again be built in Australia and will not be purchased ready-made off the shelf from another country.

Because no other country makes the type of conventional boats Australia wants, the new submarines will be a new class -- known in defence circles as an "orphan class" -- in the same way as the Collins.

Briggs believes lessons have been learned from the Collins experience that will help avert a repeat of such problems. Rather than try to reinvent the wheel, he says the Government should "evolve and migrate the Collins combat and ship control systems into the new submarine".

The Collins fleet, despite its troubled birth, has evolved to become one of the country's most important and most unheralded defence assets. It has had setbacks, most notably the near-loss of HMAS Dechaineux in 2003 when a burst seawater hose at deep diving depth came within 20 seconds of sinking the boat and its 55 crew.

That accident continues to limit the depth at which the Collins fleet can operate, diminishing its effectiveness.  But in war games with allies and in intelligence-gathering operations, the fleet has performed strongly.

Defence wants its new submarines to form the most lethal conventional fleet in the world, with the new boats being larger, faster and quieter than the Collins and with a greater array of firepower.

It is expected that the new boats will be capable of carrying long-range cruise missiles as well as short-range tactical land-strike missiles.  They are also likely to have minisubs attached to them that can travel remotely many kilometres from the mother submarine to search for enemy ships, gather intelligence or transport an SAS team.

The boats will also utilise the new generation of air-independent propulsion systems that allow the submarines to stay underwater longer, greatly increasing their operational effectiveness.

Early big-picture decisions on all these capabilities will need to be made in less than four years, before the 2011 cabinet deadline.

France Begins Building the Barracuda
The first steel was cut in construction of the first Barracuda class submarine last week. DCNS launched production of the Barracuda new-generation nuclear attack (SSN) submarine, cutting the first metal plate for the lead boat, the French naval systems company said.

The first production milestone was reached less than a year after the DGA placed an order for one Barracuda boat, with options for the following in the series. A total of six Barracuda submarines are expected to be built. DCNS is also working on detailed design definition studies for the Barracuda. The new boat, which replaces the Rubis/Améthyste class, will shape the future of DCNS’s submarine business for the next 15 years and draw on competences of most departments in the company, DCNS said.

This first in class, which will be called Suffren, will not be delivered until 2016. If the original schedule remains true, the second boat will not be delivered until mid 2019, with each subsequent delivery every two years through around 2017. The names of the 6 submarines will be Suffren, Duguay-Trouin, Dupetit-Thouars, Duquesne, Tourville, and De Grasse, as you might note the Barracuda class will be named for historic Frenchmen who roamed the oceans in the 17th and 18th centuries.

Royal Navy’s ultra-modern nuclear sub breaks down with faulty oil pump
The most technologically advanced submarine built for the Royal Navy is in the repair shop after its most basic part failed at the first test.  One of the million components that make up HMS Astute, the first of a new generation of nuclear-powered hunter-killer submarines, stopped working and caused serious damage.

The submarine, which has been built by BAE Systems at its shipyard in Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, and has cost more than £1 billion, was launched in June and is due to come into service in 2009. It is already more than three years late because of technical and project-management difficulties.

Now the builders are working all hours to ensure that there are no further delays, after the turbogenerators were damaged when, during a test of the systems, the oil stopped circulating. For a whole minute the mighty turbogenerators ran metal on metal after a lubrication pump failed. Scoring marks are having to be removed in a delicate engineering procedure.

The simple failure of the oil pump is a serious embarrassment. “We don’t yet know whether there is going to be a delay in the programme, but they are working hard to make sure there isn’t,” the Navy said.  Navy officials said they assumed that the submarine builders were culpable and would have to meet the costs of the damage.

BAE Systems said  “The incident was the result of a lubrication pump failing to operate during testing of the system. Once this failure had been identified, the test was immediately halted, but by that time both turbogenerators had sustained damage because oil had ceased to circulate.” The spokesman added: “There was no nuclear material on the submarine at the time of the incident and the reactor was not affected.”

The first of the 7,400-tonne submarines, which will replace the Swiftsure Class and Trafalgar Class boats, has cost £1.2 billion. The MoD has ordered four of the submarines, and the Navy is hoping that there will soon be a contract for a further two or three. The other three now being built are HMS Ambush, HMS Artful and HMS Audacious. The MoD’s current plans are to have a hunter-killer fleet of seven submarines after 2022.
 

The Slops Van now has 3 submarine DVDs for sale. We also have signed copies of "Stoker's Submarine", a must have for every submariner's library (These are now out of print and the author has limited stock available, so get in now). 

There are gold wire pocket badges for sale, they are removable so can be transferred to different jackets. They would also look great framed with your medals. Price is $35.00 each plus $5.00 postage. They can be obtained directly from Tug Wilson or they can ordered through the Slops Van.

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the bartender, "Give me six double vodkas." The bartender says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."  "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

Come on Boof, there's a bloody cane toads in the yard, bring the 5 iron ...........

Bah humbug still!  Christmas fast approaches and I am not sure what I am doing.  I should visit family in Sydney, but................ If I stay here I may get invited back to my neighbour's for a drink or two.

I managed to find the box of Christmas cards that I purchased last year, maybe this year I will get around to opening it and I may even send a few.  Need to make some time for it, too busy today.

I lost my mobile phone this week and have had to buy another.  It is amazing how hard it is to learn how to operate a new phone every six months or so, this is about the time I manage to keep one before it is either lost or immersed in liquid. 

The latest attempt by Mother Nature to piss me off is a plague of fleas.  For the last two weeks or so Boof and Sheela have been infested with the bloody things. Despite using as much Agent Orange as was used in Vietnam, I have had little success in obliterating them.  One positive side effect is that both dogs now glow in the dark, makes it easier to see them when we go for our walks.

Started painting the new ceilings and walls, it is brightening the old barn up a bit, but the place is a mess.  I am sick of moving furniture, but the plasterers are back next week, so more chaos and disruption.

Still no sign of the concretor, I think that he has taken my deposit (hefty deposit) and gone on Long Service Leave.  Anyone out there interested in laying about 250 m² of concrete driveways and slabs?

I went into Maryborough on Monday and noticed what I thought was an old Chief Coxswain sitting outside Woolworths begging for coins.  I was upset at the sight and went over and yes, it was John Head, but it turns out that he was not begging, just selling Lions raffle tickets.  Had a nice chat, but managed to get away without buying a ticket.

My trip into town was mainly for essentials and a trip to Mitre 10 did little to quench my desire for Bunnings, but I did not feel like driving the extra 45km to Hervey Bay. Visiting Mitre 10 can be compared to drinking non alcoholic wine - why bother.  It costs the same but you get no kick out of it!

Television reception in my area is not great, but after receiving advice (and a hefty bill from the man that installed a new antenna) I purchased digital set top boxes for each television set.  The boxes improves reception considerably until the cloud cover rolls in and the screen becomes pixilated and loud screeches emanate from the set.  However, one advantage of the boxes is that I now get ABC2, an opportunity to watch reruns of shows that were originally screened several years ago.

I watched the 'Choir of Hard Knocks at the Opera House' on ABC2 last night, inspiring. It made me realise that there are many out there that need the help and support of the community and those involved should be proud of themselves. This proved that there is hope for many of you to be discovered.  Having said that I think some already have been, I am sure that I spotted a couple of Coxswains and UC1s in the choir, although one (I think he/she was a transvestite) may have been a greenie, looked very much like one that commissioned Ovens.

Oh, have I mentioned that it's fun being a Grumpy old Man?

Barry McKeown, the President of SAA Qld Inc, on behalf of his Committee and members, extends season’s greetings to all and wishes everyone a safe, happy, joyful Christmas and a Happy New Year.  "Our thoughts and prayers are especially for those who are not well and trust you have a pain free festive season with family, friends and loved ones. All the best for 2008."

Fred Lawrence, the President of the WA Branch sends season’s greetings to members of the submarine community and wishes everyone all the best for Christmas and the New Year.  "May our serving brothers and sisters continue to do so safely , returning to their home ports for well earned leave."

Peter Smith advises the deadline for items for the January issue of In Depth is Christmas Eve, 24 December 2007. If you have any articles I am sure that he will appreciate hearing from you.

SA Branch President Fred Butcher sent the attached photo of Bob Ross and members of the "Stoker fraternity" taken in the Calvary Wakefield hospital in Adelaide where Bob was receiving treatment for a blood clot in November. Fred said "Being a member of the fraternity I know you will recognise all, however for those non-believers they are, left to right: Roger ‘Stoker’ Saltmarsh, Brian Frith, Bob Ross (the patient), Harry ‘ The Head’ Rollinson and Tony Critchley."  A fine bunch of men, it is obvious that they are all Stokers!

Another shipmate that has been located after a long period deep is Rod 'COMAUSGOBRON ONE Laver.  Unfortunately he too is on the sick list, with Mesothelioma. In his submission to Buddies Rod said "Best Years of my life. Best mates young & old. You can bump into anyone & spin some waries. Would do it all again. Sorry not much to say as I'm not in best of health." You can contact Rod at this address.

AB Brett Campany sent an update on last weeks sea ride on board HMAS Waller, his first trip on a boat. He reported "After ammunitioning on Monday we ended up leaving a little later than planned. I was lucky enough to stand in as lookout for an hour as we passed Rottnest. There's nothing like watching the sun go down before spending my first week under water.

My main concern was how I'd deal with life on board but surprisingly I was more than comfortable with the environment in the boat. I was put into 2nd watch and right away was put in front of the sonar sets where I was able to look deeper into the world of sonar. By the middle of the watch I was cutting contacts and making reports. Most of my time throughout the week was spent on watch in the Control room but I did get to spend a number of hours with the Greenies, the stokers and elsewhere

The plan for the week was to get a good look at my chosen category and it was quite obvious within a few watch's that I was going to maintain the AWA category change over. Either way I was going to be happy, as long as it was within the Submarine squadron.

The week became busy with various bits and pieces which all kept me intrigued with life at sea on a submarine. I did find it difficult to comprehend how some people just don't like the submarine environment, smooth, quiet and at times exciting.

I also had the pleasure of sitting in on a board and also watch 3 very proud submariners earn their dolphins. The rewards of becoming a qualified submariner is well worth the work. The part three's on board all worked throughout their off watch times, getting closer to the day to sit their board.

I wasn't looking forward to coming home, strange I know but I enjoyed myself that much over the week that I didn't want it to end. Coming home to partake in a Photex was also well worth the trip. The end result was three boats, HMA Submarines Waller, Rankin and Collins lined up in Cockburn Sound transiting back home. The photos can be seen in this link.

It's taken a very long time for me to get where I am today and still I have a long road ahead with my courses beginning in March 2008. The searide on HMAS WALLER has given me even more motivation and enthusiasm to work towards earning my dolphins."  It sounds like Brett is enjoying life as a future submariner, he has the right spirit.  One problem though, he should have been a Stoker!

Stuart Milburn advises those who served in Woomera that Peter May passed away in early November from cancer. Peter also served in the RAN as a Docky Copper.

Kevin Errington from Staffordshire, UK advises ex Ganges boys that John Douglas, the Ex Ganges Association instigator/founder crossed the bar on the 4th Dec. John made the Ganges DVD and also some of the books about that wonderful place.

Kevin Rudd was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the Mr. Rudd if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".
So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field & a tractor runs over him and kills him, that wouldbe a "tragedy."  No," said Rudd "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."  "I'm afraid not," explained MR. Rudd "that's what we would call great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Rudd searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, at the back of the room, a small boy raised his hand...

In a quiet voice he said: "If a plane carrying you and Mrs Rudd was struck by a "friendly fire" missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaimed Rudd. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a f .. king accident either!"

Lloyd Blake reports a growing and healthy partnership between the WA Submarine community and the WA Maritime Museum regarding the long term welfare and maintenance of SM Ovens. He said "Ms Nikki King-Smith (Conservation Officer) at the WAMM takes care of SM Ovens. Nikki would like to establish a contact email link with as many SM Ovens Plank Owners as possible in order to learn more about the boat from her early days and during her service life. I leave Nikki to establish the nature of her questions and requests however stories, old pictures and technical information are all on Nikki’s agenda." I am sure that most of the 'stories' would have to be censored, especially those from back aft!  Ovens is a great attraction at the WAMM, a pity that more ex Oberon submariners cannot find time to act as tour guides, I often get complaints from those that visit her on the quality of the information provided.  Most of the volunteers are NOT Oberon submariners, in fact were not submariners at all.  They do their best.  If you are interested in becoming a volunteer let Lloyd know.

Garry Bax wrote "Just a little bit of trivia. I was travelling back on the Indian Pacific after my Barra fishing trip up north, sat down at the first meal and introduced ourselves to the couple sitting opposite. During the course of conversation, turned out he was ex-army (Bob and wife Pat) and lived in Canberra. Now for the strange bit, his next door neighbour used to be Tom Johnson before he moved on (needless to say quite a few stories were exchanged!). Next meal, same routine different people, only this time, Barry was returning from a SAS reunion in Perth. Turns out he knew Kev Marengo and had helped out on Kev's folks farm. Also met Kev again whilst exercising with HMS Tabard. It happens in threes! Another meal, once again different people, Dennis, only this time he had joined up with Kevin Hayton and used to play footy with him. Who says Australia is large?  As for the train trip, been there, done that, got the stubby holder but won't be repeating it in a hurry. You can only drink so much at those prices!!!"

A major earthquake, measuring 9.1 on the Richter Scale has hit New Zealand this morning. 350,000 New Zealanders are missing, and over 100,000 have been reported injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing assistance. The rest of the world is in shock:

• Canada is sending troops to assist the country.

• The USA is sending food, medical aid and money.

• France is sending doctors, nurses and medical supplies.

• Russia is sending tents and warm clothing.

• Australia is sending 350,000 replacement Kiwis.

Credit Card Scam
The incidence of credit card fraud is unfortunately on the increase and the types of ‘scams’ fraudsters use are ever more plausible.  We all have a debit card or credit card so please read below the latest scam.  The key message with this and all scams is do not give out any personal information! This one is pretty slick since they provide YOU with all the information, except the one piece they want. Note, the callers do not ask for your card number; they already have it. This information is worth reading, by understanding how the VISA & MasterCard Telephone Credit Card Scam works, you'll be better prepared to protect yourself.

The scam works like this: Person calling identifies himself as an employee of the credit card company and advises you that your card has been flagged for an unusual purchase pattern, and they are calling to verify.  When you state that you did not make the purchase they say 'Then we will be issuing a credit to your account.  Before your next statement, the credit will be sent to (gives you your address), is that correct?'  You say 'yes'.  The caller continues - 'I will be starting a fraud investigation.  If you have any questions, you should call the 0800 number listed on the back of your card (0800-VISA) and ask for Security. You will need to refer to this Control Number.  The caller then gives you a 6 digit number.  'Do you need me to read it again?'

Here's the IMPORTANT part on how the scam works the caller then says, 'I need to verify you are in possession of your card.'  He'll ask you to 'turn your card over and look for some numbers.'  There are 7 numbers; the first 4 are part of your card number, the next 3 are the security numbers that verify you are the possessor of the card.  These are the numbers you sometimes use to make Internet purchases to prove you have the card.  The caller will ask you to read the 3 numbers to him.  After you tell the caller the 3 numbers, he'll say, 'That is correct, I just needed to verify that the card has not been lost or stolen, and that you still have your card.  Do you have any other questions?'  After you say, 'No,' the caller then thanks you and states, 'Don't hesitate to call back if you do', and hangs up.

You actually say very little, and they never ask for or tell you the Card number.   What the scammers want is the 3-digit PIN number on the back of the card.  Don't give it to them.  Instead, tell them you'll call VISA or MasterCard directly for verification of their conversation.  The real VISA told us that they will never ask for anything on the card as they already know the information since they issued the card!  If you give the scammers your 3 Digit PIN Number, you think you're receiving a credit.  However, by the time you get your statement you'll see charges for purchases you didn't make, and by then it's almost too late and/or more difficult to actually file a fraud report.

Underwater and undercover: how nuclear subs were first line of Falklands defence
Michael Evans, Defence Editor of the times wrote the following item in November this year.

Five Royal Navy submarines lined up, submerged, on the edge of Argentina's 12-mile territorial limit to provide early warning of bombing raids on the British task force during the Falklands conflict, according to a new account of the secret role played by the nuclear-powered vessels.

Trailing wire aerials behind them, the submarines were able to pick up launchings of Skyhawks and other aircraft from the main base at Rio Grande, pinpointing their type and number, and giving the task force 45 minutes notice in which to react.  The details of the 1982 mission, which was never discovered by the Argentineans, have been revealed by the former second-in-command of one of the boats, HMS Conqueror.

Writing in a special publication, Royal Navy, A Global Force, Vice-Admiral Sir Tim McClement, now retired, says that 25 years after the Falklands campaign it is important to recall the 'vital contribution' of the submarines to victory.

The threat from Argentina's Skyhawk bombers, armed with 1,500lb and 2,000lb bombs, and its Super tendards, fitted with sea-skimming Exocet antiship missiles, posed the gravest danger to the task force, mainly because the Royal Navy lacked any proper early-warning system.

Although the two Royal Navy aircraft carriers, HMS Invincible and HMS Hermes, were out of range of the Argentine bombers, located well to the east of the Falklands, the warships on point duty closer to the Argentine mainland, and the troops landing on the islands, were highly vulnerable.  The well-documented secret plan to attack one of the main Argentine air-bases and destroy the Skyhawks, using the SAS, was aborted after a dry run went wrong and a number of SAS soldiers had to seek sanctuary in neighbouring Chile.

The presence of five nuclear-powered submarines - HMS Conqueror, HMS Splendid, HMS Spartan, HMS Courageous and HMS Valiant, and one conventional diesel-electric submarine, HMS Onyx (photo - 2006) provided the solution. In the early part of the conflict, most of the submarines were engaged in other, priority missions. HMS Conqueror was trailing the Argentine cruiser, General Belgrano, and on May 2 fired two Mark 8 torpedoes, sinking the ship, with the loss of 323 sailors. HMS Splendid and HMS Spartan were involved in the search for the Argentine aircraft carrier 25 de Mayo, which was suspected of lurking in the mist north of the Falklands, preparing for a pincer movement together with the Belgrano against the task force. HMS Onyx was engaged in top-secret special forces operations.

However, eventually the five nuclear-powered submarines took up positions on the Argentine 12-mile limit to act as early-warning platforms. There were several dramatic incidents.

Admiral McClement reveals that in transit to the 12-mile limit HMS Conqueror got her floating wire aerial wrapped around her propeller. This made a distinctive noise. She knew Argentine submarines were in her area and so had to get rid of the wire, he writes. All the divers on board the submarine volunteered for the dangerous task of untangling the wire. The former deputy commander of the submarine recalls:  It was very rough, far too rough for peacetime rules to put people on to the deck, let alone put a diver into the water. 

HMS Conqueror surfaced and eight volunteers successfully removed the wire knowing that if an Argentine aircraft, ship or submarine was detected, the captain [Commander Christoper Wreford-Brown] would have to shut the hatch, dive the submarine and leave them to their fate. Thankfully, they all came home to tell the tale, Admiral McClement says.

With the 45-minutes warning from the submarines, Sea Harriers on combat patrol were alerted and several Argentine bombers were destroyed, forcing others to return to base. But there were uncomfortable consequences for the submariners. These [returning] planes jettisoned their bombs before landing, and they did so around the 12-mile limit. All the boats employed in this task experienced some random bombing, luckily without damage, Admiral McClement writes.

HMS Conqueror arrived back at Faslane, its home base on the Clyde, after 90 days continuously at sea.

Although she played a significant part in the conflict, her crew never actually saw the Falkland Islands, Admiral McClement says.